I have a lot on my mind so this is just going to be a venting post.
I titled this post “Breaking Up With Myself” because I feel like there is a part of me that I just need to let go. For almost 9 months now, I have been telling people “I am going to teach English to kids in China for 4 months.” And suddenly, just like that, it’s not the plan anymore. Of course I don’t regret coming home in the slightest, but it is sad that my plan that I have been so excited about for so long, just didn’t work out. For so long I have been revolving my life around “When I go to China”. So many people gave me advice, helped me prepare, and were so excited for me! I feel like a dissappointment to those people. Of course that is not the case because they have been so supportive and loving towards me. And many people have told me they are glad I am home because they have been so worried about me. And you know I could sit here and type all night about how it didn’t work and it so sad and what if this and what if that blah blah blah. BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS. I can’t change my experience and I don’t want to! Right now this is my life. I am so blessed and I am so glad I am home.
Now it is time to move on. It is only forward from here. If I start thinking about how “it didn’t work and it wasn’t for me” I could just get caught up in The whole craziness of it all. So it is time to break up with myself. It is time to let that part of me go. The future holds so much and it’s time to practice my patience with the future. I will be JUST FINE. I will set goals, work hard, and constantly try to better myself. I will do no good for myself if I just think about how much I hated my experience. I have learned from it and I am so blessed. Life goes on! Just like that! And in just a few weeks I will probably say “haha wow I almost forgot that I went to China. That was kinda crazy but I am so pleased with my life right now.” That’s what life is about. You learn and you grow. You just have to accept things for what they are and move on. It’s time that I move on and focus on the future. I am putting my blinders on, like a horse, and only looking forward. I also can’t get caught up with how other people’s lives look from the outside. This is my life and my future. And I am choosing happiness!
Goodbye old me! Hello confident, happy, improved and better Hanna!
-xxhh
Hanna Hills 